How I Turned $20 into… the subheading for my future E-Book title
Sometimes when I’m indulging my ego and I want to feel good about myself, I like to think of how I would want to be described in a book or on an introduction on TV.
*BTW you know what’s great about that number? It’s just so small and always will be. One day I might get lucky in a random angel investment or venture capital deal and bink a 50-bagger, and move my net worth past 8 or even 9 figures–the real, “I’m important and I matter” kind of wealth. Maybe lightning strikes twice and I become a billionaire. Regardless, as long as I don’t go broke and keep my personal equity growth continuous, I still get to say I started with only twenty fucking dollars.
Special Snowflake
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needless to say, I stopped playing ladder matches and stuck to friendly, cooperative custom games instead |
Kiddie Pool Games
What does “check” mean?
*not as true now as it was in 2004 due to massive growth in the poker education biz
That $3 was going to be the start–the start of my dream to become a millionaire professional poker pro. It was going to be destiny. That $3 was everything. My dreams. My entire life’s hope.
It was here when I started observing how the every-man thinks while playing the game. My sister was an honors student enrolled in majority AP classes and applying for top-tier universities, and naturally, most of her friends and classmates were in the same boat–smart, capable, overachieving, and at least decent at math. Higher level poker concepts were easily within their grasp. Yet of maybe the 15-20 different guys from that circle, I remember only a couple that made any attempt to study the game’s more advanced concepts. Maybe a few more had cursory knowledge of super basic stuff like hand probabilities (four-flushes, straight draws, etc) and pot odds through TV segments or cheat sheets, but that was it. The first step towards vastly improving one’s game was to simply fold total garbage hands pre-flop, which is kinda just common sense if you think about it, and they wouldn’t even do that.
I found it interesting how many players were willing to put their money at stake without even the slightest clue (interest?) that they had an edge in the game. Did they think they knew enough already? Were they not aware of this greater universe of knowledge out there? Did they care?
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well if they don’t want their money, I’ll gladly take it… |
.002 Stacks of High Society
Being only 15, I was ineligible to make online deposits under my name. I guess I’ll just ask my parents–they see how much I love playing poker every day, I’m hopeful they’ll think it’s a good idea.
Lucky for me, poker sites had pretty lax money movement protocols back then. Pokerstars had a player-to-player cash transfer feature that would essentially bypass any bank or merchant processor. There was also no identity verification process (at least until you wanted to cash out). They didn’t care to know anything about who was putting money on the table–“money on the table” was all that mattered. You just had to confirm you were of legal age by checking a box, no different than a porn site basically.
Now I only had to find my guy on the other side to transfer the money. I didn’t know anyone but somebody out there had to be already exploiting this. There’s just no way I’m the first to think of all the possibilities. After several weeks perusing the sketchiest corners of online gambling forums and googling phrases like “underage poker deposit method” I found exactly what I was looking for:
An E-Bay listing for a $25 “poker hat”*.
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*I never got that hat… |
The details were inside: “Will also transfer $20 in Pokerstars real money credit, along with hat“.
*poker’s a sport, right?
Crossing both fingers that I wasn’t being scammed, I confirmed my $25 PayPal transfer. One time, please let this be real. I need this $20, it’s my destiny, otherwise I’ll be a loser forever! My transaction partner told me he sent his $20 and that I should receive it shortly.
5 minutes after, I started holding my breath. I kept checking my account balance.
$0.00.
Hm, okay, no big deal. I paced around. I ate some peanut butter. I sat back down and checked again.
Still $0.00.
What if he tricked me? No, he definitely tricked me. He’s laughing at me all the way to the bank with all his stupid scammer buddies. He’s probably the same asshole who scammed me with all those duped items in Diablo II. Do I call PayPal for a reimbursement? What if I they find out I’m doing something illegal? Will PayPal call the FBI on me? Am I old enough to be charged for a felony? Is it true what they say about what happens in the showers in federal penitentiary? Fuck, check again!
$0.00. fuckfuckfuck.
I sent one of those annoying panicky e-mails that accomplishes nothing except confirm to the recipient that you’re a panicky little loser who panics too much–it’s been 11 minutes, where’s my money? y u scam me? He promptly replied that Stars customer support has to approve every transaction. Well he wouldn’t even reply if he outright scammed me right? I took comfort in that. My logic is sound. He is a good person. He clearly and obviously did not scam me.
On what was probably around the 274th click, another number replaced $0.00.
My life changed.
(will write the rest of this in installments… which assumes that I don’t stop blogging for months at a time again)
Part II: Nickel and Dimes
Part III: Going Bust